Going Back To The Jersey Shore, BITCHHHH: Jersey Shore; S5E1
Jersey Shore; S5E1
By: Nina
They’re backkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!! I don’t know about you guys, but for me, each season I go, “Ugh, really? It’s back already? I don’t know if I can handle this again.” Then I watch, and the first minute in I become consumed and hypnotized. Why this show has magical powers I will never know, so instead I am just going to enjoy it!
Season 5 kicks off with the crew leaving Italy for Jersey, and they could not be more excited. It was actually great to see their excitement upon returning to the Shore house. As Pauly put it, “Me and Vinny are so excited that Vinny immediately jumps on my bed and dry-humps me on my bed, just to break it in like old times.” And there you go. The only downside? (Aside from the dry-humping?) Well, for Sam and Ron it was that they would be sharing a room with Mike again. But you know…I can’t imagine Mike is too excited to be sharing a room with Sam and Ron either, so I think it’s kind of fair!
Before we go any further though I feel I must bring Snooki’s boots to everyone’s attention:
Now let’s continue. Their boss at the Shore Store, Danny, invites the gang to meet them the following night at Captain Hook’s for some ‘welcome-back’ drinks. After some much needed American errands (GTL) they head over and instead of finding just their co-workers and Danny, they find all of their friends and family surprising them!!!! It is only a matter of time before the joy turns into drama though. Why? Because “The Unit” and Ryder are there too…and they are the ones who were in the room when Snooki cheated on Jionni with Mike. And knowing that, Mike is quick to stir things up.
It all starts when Mike mentions that he would like “The Unit” (I feel silly each time I write that) to come back to the house. This obviously makes Snooki upset, as Jionni will be coming back with her. Instead of just not paying the situation (and The Situation) any mind, she instead tells “The Unit” that he is annoying, a curly-haired asshole in need of gel, a loser, an idiot and a bitch. At this point it is clear that she has something to hide, as it seems evident that Mike was telling the truth. Instead of avoiding any potential drama, she seems to feed into it. But I guess that is nothing new. Meanwhile Mike is basically loving how mad Snooki is getting at “The Unit”, as he swoops in and pretends to play the protector.
I know, gross.
I have to be honest, for some reason these two would make me uncomfortable even if Mike did have his pants on. The fact that he doesn’t just makes it that much worse.
