Starbucks, Nail-Art and Rehab, Oh My: Teen Mom; S4E3

Teen Mom; Season 4, Episode 3

Episode 3 of our favorite show is a big deal for me, for Maci does what I have been wanting to do since day one of Teen Mom…she invites herself on a vacation with Ryan. As for the other girls, Catelynn is still wearing bows in her hair, Amber is still giving Starbucks tons of free promotion and Farrah is finally out of her parents lives (though interestingly enough they don’t appear to be enjoying this). But that’s not ALL that happens, so let’s get to the recap!

Catelynn: 

Four seasons later and we at last get to celebrate the graduation of Catelynn and Tyler! While this is a great occasion, the big question for them is will Butch be out of jail to attend the graduation?! Well, let’s just cut to the chase—no. He gets out of jail the day after! Though I do have to ask, how would the no-contact order between he and April have worked out had he been able to attend the ceremony? Just curious how they would have handled it. I personally can’t picture sober Butch alone in a crowd at a High School graduation, but then again what do I know. 

Maci: 

Bentley is a few days away from a week long vacation with Ryan, and Maci is none too pleased. A week without Bentley feels like too much for her, so she asks Ryan’s family if it is alright if she travels to the same hotel as them, the same week, in hopes of getting some time with shirtless Ryan Bentley. As the captain of Team Ryan this obviously aggravates me to no-end. I’m all for co-parenting, but co-vacationing?

Maci’s heart does appear to drop when Ryan mentions that he not only has a girlfriend, but that she will be coming along on this vacation. To make things more awkward, Ryan’s mother wants to take a family photo of Maci, Ryan and Bentley together during this trip. Awkward? Maybe. But we’ll have to wait til the next episode before we can see how this ends up! In the meantime, Maci is confident that she is not only sweeter than Ryan’s girlfriend who she hasn’t met, but also that she will likely break-up with Ryan after meeting her. Hmmmm.

Farrah:

Farrah is just getting settled in Miami, thanks to the help of her father, better known to us Teen Mom viewers simply as “Michael.” Despite Michael’s help (including 5 days of driving and several days of staying in town to help her get settled) Farrah is none too pleased when he broaches the topic of relocating to Miami to be near them. Desperate for her independence, Farrah hires a nanny/babysitter to watch Sophia while she is in school and busy being an independent woman. Then, in the spirit of bad ideas Farrah decides to get a puppy. (Despite Sophia wanting a fish instead.) Considering that Farrah didn’t like her lost dog because it had to go to the bathroom and required training in order to behave, my heart goes out to Stitch, the French Bulldog unfortunate enough to be selected by Farrah.

Amber: 

Amber is still in rehab, and basically I have learned a lot about starbucks and nail-art, and not so much about rehab. That being said, Amber’s bits of the episode include a few sessions at rehab and Gary trying to work through some legal matters so he and Leah can come visit Amber. And just like Maci and Ryan’s co-vacation, we won’t get to see how this visit goes until next episode! 

And that is more or less it! Thanks for reading, guys!

Episode Hall-of-Fame:

Episode MVP: Stitch. Farrah and Sophia as roommates is even a lot for a dog to handle.

Episode Cute Spot:

Episode Bitchy Farrah Moment:

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51 and Childless: Teen Mom; S4E10

Teen Mom; Season 4, Episode 10

By: Nina

So this episode of Teen Mom was significantly more interesting than the rest of this season, and that is 100% due to Farrah meeting Daniel’s family. So now that we have a good episode, let’s get to recapping it!

Farrah:

While Debra is watching Sophia in Florida, Farrah is traveling to Austin, TX with her new boyfriend Daniel! Things start off pretty well. Daniel seems really touched that Farrah has traveled with him to meet his family and Farrah seems happy! (Which after  3 hard seasons was nice to finally see!) But things quickly go down hill. Here’s the play by play of Farrah quotes that just should have never happened a month-and-a-half into a relationship:

Strike 1: “I’m just trying to prepare you for having kids.”

Strike 2: (To Daniel’s Step-Mother) “You haven’t had children yet?! Oh my god! I don’t think it’s going to happen then. How old are you? 51?! Ooooh, you’re gonna be a lone bird. I can’t believe you never had a child yet!”

Strike 3:  (While shopping at a thrift store) “You know what, I actually want my husband to buy me a ring from a thrift store.”

Strike 4: “If we ever get married can I please wear this to the wedding?”

Strike 5: “I don’t want to like, date, forever. I don’t want to get married right away—but I want to get engaged.”

Basically, following her 5-strikes we miss some sort of disagreement and next thing you know Farrah and Daniel are over. And that’s it! She flies home from Texas ALONE! I know Farrah gets a lot of hate, but I do feel badly. She seemed really happy this season dating Daniel, and it sucks for anyone to be coming home from what was supposed to be a romantic weekend alone. I give Farrah credit for holding it together!

Amber:

Amber is trying to find a new home to rent, Leah is calling Gary “Mom” instead of “Daddy” and Gary is filling out his recliner more than ever. When Amber requests to see Leah, Gary arranges for her to see Leah the following day. Amber agrees, so it should seem pretty natural to Amber why Gary would be upset when she cancels the next day. Amber cancels so she can look at homes to rent, and feels that it’s Gary’s fault because he didn’t give her Leah the day before. Clearly the only thing that sucks here is that Leah was looking forward to seeing Amber and now that won’t happen. 

Though I will say that the house Amber looks at is pretty dang nice.

Catelynn:

Catelynn and Tyler need to register for school…yawn…Catelynn and Tyler aren’t sure if Human Services or Social Work is a better major…yawn…Catelynn and Tyler go to a birth parent support group…yawn…Catelynn and Tyler talk with professionals in the field to help determine their degree…yawn…Catelynn and Tyler decide to take a semester off til they know which degree they want for sure…YAWN.

Hey, have Catelynn and Tyler ever heard of pre-requisites or transferring credits?! 

Maci:

The Maci drama this week all revolves around Twitter. I know, I know, but even that being the case it is still more entertaining than Catelynn and Tyler. So what was this Twitter war about? Maci had a tweet saying that things would be easier and better for Bentley if Ryan and Maci had worked out, but things didn’t workout that way. This upsets Ryan’s girlfriend Dalis and Ryan and co. interpret this as a deliberate act to sabotage their relationship. As much as I believe Maci loves Ryan I cannot believe that she would try to break up his relationship via Twitter. I don’t even think Jenelle and Kieffer break up other people’s relationships via Twitter. It’s just not how you do things. 

In the end Maci and Ryan talk it out, but Ryan refuses to apologize for saying he hates her. Hey, you can’t win them all, right?! 

And that’s the episode! So like I said, Farrah really did steal the show on this one! Only two more episodes left to go, guys! Who else will be crying when it’s all over?!

Episode Hall-of-Fame:

Episode Fail: The advice Daniel should have never given Farrah.

Episode MVP:


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When Butch Represented Butch: Teen Mom; S4E9

Teen Mom; Season 4, Episode 9

Episode 9 has been my favorite so far, and that is likely because Butch and April took up Catelynn and Tyler’s entire story-line and Debra was back in Miami with Farrah (Team Debra, y’all!). What can I say, I love my Teen Mom Parents! But hey, enough about what I like. Let’s get to the recap! 

Maci:

Kyle has officially purchased his first home for himself, Maci and Bentley! Though Bentley sure knows how to work his Mama’s boy charm when trying to stay in his old home. “This house is my favorite. Because it’s yours,” he says to Maci. Awwwwww. But sorry Benny, the decision has been made! So basically, the bulk of Maci’s story-line this episode is moving into the new home. I know, not prime-time material if you ask me, but what can you do. Also, Ryan is once again talking about getting his rights legalized (which unfortunately takes place in front of Bentley). But hasn’t Ryan been talking about this for four seasons now? So, I don’t even care anymore. Same stuff, different season! And that’s all that happens with Maci this week!

Farrah:

Now that Farrah has a boyfriend, I would say the only thing missing from her life is Supernanny. When Farrah puts Sophia to bed so she can study, it is only mere moments before Sophia is back and demanding to color. (And I have to say, after seeing Sophia with the nail polish earlier this season, I felt quite uneasy seeing her with a sharpie marker. My heart goes out to you, Stitch…) With Sophia’s clear refusal to go to back to sleep, Farrah says, “You won’t go to bed until I do,” so she puts away her studying and to bed they go! Struggling to get her school work done, Daniel comes to the rescue and helps watch Sophia for Farrah’s next go-round at studying.

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Why Are You Cussing At Me You Piece of Shit: Teen Mom; S4E8

Teen Mom; Season 4, Episode 8

By: Nina

Hey! Let’s talk about some Teen Mom! 

While Amber and Catelynn have a return to old ways this episode (Amber is back to calling Gary a fat-ass and Catelynn is back to coping with her step-father being in jail), Maci and Farrah are experiencing something new (Maci is looking to buy a house and Farrah spends the entire episode in a good mood). So let’s get to recapping!

Farrah:

Farrah has decided that she would like for Sophia to meet Daniel, the guy she has been dating. But Sophia wants no part in this. Sophia wants cookies.

But we all know that Farrah is a tough battle, and Sophia ends up cookie-less and meeting the guy, despite her best efforts at an epic tantrum. (Karma does exist, Farrah.) However, the meeting with Daniel appears to go well…so well that he even gets to Skype with Debra, Farrah’s mom. I know, this is serious business. At least Debra did not grill him on his religion or invite him to church with her (as she had with Cole). Which leads me to feel that Farrah should start having ALL of her future dates meet Debra through Skype, and only through Skype.

In the end, things go so well with Daniel and the Skype date with Debra that Farrah arranges for Debra to come visit and watch Sophia when she travels to Austin, TX with Daniel. Get it, girl! 

Side note: Why is Farrah always driving on her dates? Is it cause she’s got the Teen Mom cams already set-up in her Mini-coop, or do none of her dates drive, or what? Cause I like for the guy to drive on my dates! :P 

Maci:

Upon the news that the home Maci rents has been sold, she and Kyle decide to look into buying a home. Or rather, Kyle looks into purchasing a home that Maci and Bentley will live in too. Not too much really happens. They look at a few homes, Maci shares her confidence in her relationship with Kyle and they put an offer down on a home. Pretty boring. I am begging for my Ryan dramaz! Or maybe just a few extra shots of Ryan thrown into the Maci scenes just to keep me though! Though I must add in that as a Long Islander it is scary hearing the amount Maci would like to spend monthly on her home, since it is equivalent to what we would spend on a studio basement apartment here. Perhaps it’s time I start planning my move to Chattanooga…

Oh, and this also marks the episode where Bentley finally says, "HELL NO!" And that’s that!

Amber:

Amber has been trying to focus on getting her high school diploma, but it seems that distractions get in the way. And by distractions, I mean Gary (and probably her nail-art). When Amber’s cousin Krystal calls Gary to arrange for Amber to see Leah, Amber replies to Gary agreeing to drop Leah off the following day with, “Yea, I can hear your fat ass. I can hear you, nasty ass!” Before the drop off can even occur the next day they are arguing over the phone (anyone miss that no cnotact order yet?) Amber of course ends the conversation with the classic question, "Why are you cussing at me you piece of shit?" While we don’t get the answer to why the girl who is cussing is being cussed at, we at least get to see that Leah is learning her colors. And that she likes chicken nuggets. Way to go, Leah!

Catelynn:

Catelynn gets a not-so-pleasant text from Tyler while she is at work, simply stating: “My dad went back to prison. He beat up your mom. I’ll talk to u when u get home later.” We know that Catelynn and Tyler are pretty together people, so the idea that this is something that they can text so casually about their parents is pretty unfortunate. While it’s apparent that Butch won’t be getting over his problems any time soon it is at least nice to see that April appears to be handling the situation with relative maturity and growth. April comes to the realization that loving Butch, someone who treats her that way, actually makes her feel very badly for herself. She also confesses that his influence is what really persuaded her lack of support when Catelynn placed Carly for adoption. She said that rather than listening to her daughter, she allowed herself to side with Butch.The bruises on April, her testimonial to Catelynn and the damage done in the home shows that this was a serious case of domestic violence, so we’ll see what happens to Butch next week when he is arraigned.

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This Farrah Wine is Vinegary: Teen Mom; S4E2

Teen Mom; Season 4, Episode 2

By: Nina

Episode 2 did give us a few more things to be excited about than episode 1. Catelynn and Tyler get to visit Carly, Maci gets into a little tiff with Kyle and Farrah, Debra and Sophia go out for a “ladies night!” Sound exciting? Well, it’s not exactly a Boopidi-bop-bop-booger level of entertainment, but things are picking up!
Amber:

Episode 2 opens up on a serious note, as we hear the 911 emergency call that Gary made on behalf of Amber, who was struggling with thoughts of suicide. Cut to two weeks later, where Amber is now being treated at Seasons Recovery center. When we see her she is still struggling with her anger, not to mention the adjustments towards her meds. When with a grief counselor, Amber shares that the only time she feels she can get through her pain and anger is when she is on a really good pain medication. 

When one of Amber’s trainers at Seasons suggests she stay longer than the 30-days, Amber seems visibly agitated. However by the end of the episode, with a starbucks in hand (she seems to always have a starbucks cup at this place!, Amber is feeling better, and begins to plan with her caseworker a time for Gary and Leah to come visit.

Catelynn:

In this episode Catelynn and Tyler get their two-year visit with Baby Carly—in NYC! Excited? Don’t be, because since they picked SUCH good parents for Baby Carly, they have rightfully decided not to have Baby Carly be filmed! Wahhhhh! We do get to see some snapshots though. But still, I really wanted my Baby Carly fix. Here’s the one shot of Baby Carly’s face that we do get to see:

When the visit was through, Catelynn and Tyler both felt emotional, as they reflected about what life would have been had they kept Carly. “She just seems like fun,” Catelynn says. But Tyler assures her that Carly is where she is meant to be, and if he had to do it over he would make the same choice. 

Maci:

Meanwhile in Maciville, Maci and Ryan get into a disagreement, which causes an argument between Maci and Kyle. Basically, Maci calls Ryan telling him he has to pick Bentley up at 11am tomorrow instead of the regular time of 4pm-6pm. When Ryan tells Maci that he won’t be available that early, Maci says “Well, you don’t have a job, so you should be available.” I am always Team Ryan as is, but this time I do feel that it’s rude to say that just because he isn’t working that that means every minute of his day is free. (Turns out he has to register for classes that time.) 

Anyway, this affects Maci and Kyle when Kyle suggests the next day that Maci reminds Ryan he will be picking up Bentley at daycare (since the 11am plan didn’t work.) Long story short, Maci tells Kyle that he is getting on her nerves and that he is a baby, so Kyle calls her an idiot. She tells Kyle he can leave, and so he does! What’s a single mom to do? Well, Maci makes Bentley do her dirty work, having him leave Kyle a voice-mail asking him to come home! And of course Kyle does come back, but not with an apology from Maci. 

Farrah:

Farrah has her moving plan all set. Want to hear it? As Farrah says to her father Michael, “So the plan is, I’m going to rent a Uhaul, and then you help me pack it tonight and tomorrow. So I’m going to stay here with Sophia while you drive…for like 5 days, and then I’m going to meet you in Florida to help you unpack.” And do you want to know what Michael says? “That sounds good.” THAT SOUNDS GOOD?! TO WHO?! To who other than Farrah would that plan sound good to!?

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Teen Bomb; or Why Maci and Catelynn are Boring: Teen Mom; S4E1

Teen Mom; Season 4, Episode 1. 

By: Nina

First, I feel it’s appropriate that I explain my delay in recapping this season. While I could go off on “personal reasons” or this or that, let’s just call it like it is: this season kind of sucks. I know, I know, it pains me to even think that, let alone say it. Teen Mom is my favorite! But perhaps it is becoming hard to live up to the magic of last season. Last season brought us classic moments like Gary’s “BOOPIDI-BOP-BOP-BOOGER”, Farrah yelling at her Mom about Barney-the-Dinosaur and Ryan asking Maci is Kyle was retarded! So far all that Season 4 has is Farrah’s sister calling her Mom a psycho satanic bitch. But let’s recap the first episode anyway, and I am sure we will find some things to laugh at and enjoy!

Maci:

Maci’s segment of the season opener kicks off with Bentley getting swimming lessons. Bored yet? Give it a chance. Bentley’s resistance towards learning how to swim with an instructor becomes the doorway to discussing Bentley going to daycare…again. This daycare business rapidly becomes the issue of the century. So what do you do with the issue of the century? You ask the 2 year old for his opinion! And when he tells you he wants to go, you panic. By the time our 60 minutes are up however, Bentley has an easy, breezy drop-off to day care, despite his mother’s worries. And he goes down the slide at the pool. Now if we can just get rid of that “paci!”

Catelynn:

Here’s what you really need to know: Butch and April, (Catelynn’s step-father and mother) still have a no-contact order. Thus, I officially do not care at all what happens in Catelynn’s segments! What am I supposed to do without my April and Butch scenes, for TWO seasons now?! And for how long can a married couple have a no-contact order?! WTF happened?! 

Anyway, Catelynn and Tyler learn that they will be having a 2-year visit with Carly, Brandon and Theresa in New York City! Until the visit however, which falls right in between Carly’s birthday and Catelynn and Tyler’s graduation, they will be left to celebrate Carly turning two on their own. With a cake and each other, Catelynn and Tyler celebrate the event, making wishes for Carly. Sweet, but it is literally all that happens in this episode. Unless you want to count the shot of Tyler’s new pimpin’ Cadillac! Score for Tyler!

Farrah:

Farrah is anticipating her move to Florida! In preparation for the move, Farrah’s mother Debra has prepared Farrah’s room for Sophia. Why? Because she thinks Sophia is going to be staying and living with her! After a therapy session on that, Farrah changes her mind and decides to take Sophia with her. (Not before insuring Sophia will need some therapy of her own, letting her know where in her room her father and she conceived her.) This just leaves one problem…telling Debra. By now we all know Debra though, and we know that she is going to cry over baby-goo leaving her. After some of Debra’s manipulative tactics (“How is she going to feel when everyone she loves is gone?” and “She doesn’t need to be isolated and separated”) Farrah holds her ground and the decision is official—Sophia will be a Florida baby!

Amber:

It’s difficult to watch Amber this season, knowing how things have turned out. However, at the start of the season Amber has just received the news that she will be sentenced to 2-year-probation and rehab for a minimum of 30-days due to substance abuse and mental health. Which will bring Amber to Seasons in Malibu! But before she can go to Seasons she heads to Gary’s for a large glass of wine (or so), which ends as ugly as you’d guess it would. The first hint would probably be Amber coming in with the greeting “Where’s my glass of wine? Hehehehehehe.” 

Now, I’m not here to judge, but that’s quite the generous pour, Amber. Okay fine, I’ll pour myself a glass like that while I am home alone watching Teen Mom every Tuesday night (how else would I escape this harsh reality of my life) but would I pour a glass like that while the Teen Mom camera crew is with me before I go to rehab? Probably not. When Gary says that he has more important things on his mind than drinking, Amber gets defensive. She says she’s under a lot of stress, and just wanted a glass (or so) of wine to calm her down. Gary says that he is just glad that she is getting help with her medications and her anger, to which Amber replies, "STOP GOD DAMN IT MOTHA FUCKA!" and storms off.

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I Think You Lit A Candle Right Here In My Heart: Teen Mom, S3E11

Teen Mom, S3E11

By: Nina

Who’s ready for some 90-minute-Teen-Mom-recapping?! I am! I am! This episode had a lot of fun things for us, like braces, candles in Gary’s heart and even someone throwing up all over their aqua doodle. So let’s get to it!

Amber:

The first thing Amber tells us this episode is that after she got out of jail she broke things off with Clinton. I think it’s pretty awesome that she can go to jail and still be the one who has to do the dumping. But, we knew Clinton probably wasn’t going to stick around for too long, right? Amber reveals to a friend that her time in jail was serious enough for her to want to shape up and never go back again. She says she spent the 24 hours in detox (“where the drunk people go”) in a small cell with six other girls, with nothing but a blanket between her and the concrete floor. We can imagine what a life changing experience that must have been. Amber feels that Leah will most likely not be taken away from her by CPS, but she still has her concerns, as her meeting with CPS is approaching.

The night before her meeting with CPS, Leah throws up, “all over her aqua doodle too!” Though, Amber still insists that Leah kiss her cousin Krystal’s son Landon goodbye, even though Hello, she just threw up all over her aqua doodle!!! (Whatever that may be.) By the end of the episode Amber keeps custody of Leah, however CPS has not dropped the case and will continue checking up on her. The no contact order between she and Gary however will not be settled until an upcoming court date.


Catelynn:


Catelynn has an i-Pad, y’all!! And she completed her last day of High School! Which means we got to see you-know-who, your favorite pony-tailed teacher and mine, MONTE!

She and Monte discuss how hard it was for Catelynn to decide to stay in school after Carly. They share how at one point Catelynn even felt she was going to drop-out, but Monte talked her out of it. Way to go, Monte! In other news, since Catelynn and Tyler are a 40-year-old couple, she decides to surprise Tyler with a stay at a Bed and Breakfast. Though in her defense skiing lessons were part of the surprise too, which was pretty awesome. All in all, Catelynn and Tyler have another cozy weekend with deep conversations, and remain hopeful that Carly will be able to attend their graduation. We’ll see!

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Put Your Smiley Face On & Don’t Use The F-Word: Teen Mom S3E7

Teen Mom, S3E7

By: Nina

We all know what yesterday was…TEEN MOM TUESDAY! Can you believe we are already up to episode 7?! That means before you know it, my original teen moms will be gone, and I’ll be patiently waiting for my favorite comedy trio (Janelle, Barbara and Keifer) to return to my DV-R line-up. But, we’ll discuss that further when we get there, right? Let’s talk about the episode!

I’ll warn you in advanced that for me, this episode was sort of lack-luster. In other words, Amber for the most part held it together, there was no April or Butch, and Maci got lots of air-time complaining about school. (Insert Snooki “wahhhhh” here).

Maci


The episode kicks off with Bentley peeing on Maci. (::chuckles to self::) Later, while trying to do schoolwork, jobless Kyle finds himself asking Maci to cook for him and Bentley. Pretty soon the asking turns into begging, and Maci concedes. Falling behind with her school work, she shares to Kyle that she is going to be dropping her courses. And he doesn’t talk her out of it at all! Not to say I don’t understand Maci’s predicament. I of course do, and can only imagine her work load. But some words of support or encouragement from her boyfriend to stay when her degree had meant so much to her may have been a nice touch. In the end, she goes through with it and instead of having 16 credits completed, she has 8.

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If You Piss & Poop On My Rug, We’re Gonna Have An Issue: Teen Mom, Episode 6

Teen Mom: S3E6

By: Nina

Who’s ready to talk about some Teen Mom?! This episode saw Catelynn returning to her birth mother retreat, Farrah buying a puppy, Amber missing out on Leah’s birthday party and Maci being Maci. Sure, that’s the episode in a nutshell, but what we love to talk about is the nonsense that happens in between, so let’s get to it!

Catelynn:


As mentioned, in this episode Catelynn returns to her birth-mom retreat, sponsored by the On Your Feet Foundation. Going into it, Catelynn reveals that what she wants to discuss is her relationship with Brandon and Theresa, the adoptive parents of her daughter Carly. She and Tyler feel as if they aren’t doing their part to remain in touch and enhance the relationship, while Tyler’s mom tries to remind them that it’s just a sign of them being okay with the situation and how things are. I have to agree. I think the less they focus on it probably just means the more they have grown comfortable with their situation.

If you saw the Adoption Special with Dr.Drew that aired a few weeks ago, then you will be familiar with Paige, Catelynn’s friend who joins her on the retreat. Paige shares how difficult it has been going through her situation alone, unlike Catelynn who has Tyler. But they both enjoy the fact that this will be a weekend devoted to support and releasing the feelings they cannot always express. One of the topic’s that Catelynn and Paige discuss privately is how hard it is to be a Mom, while not having your child. Paige says, “How am I a Mom when I don’t have my kid?” Catelynn assures her that they are mother’s in a different sort of way. The important factor is that they did what’s best for their children by giving them a life better than what they could have provided. That’s pretty huge and something they shouldn’t overlook.

Farrah


Firstly Farrah discovers that she has graduated! Yay!! Secondly, Farrah decides to get a puppy for Sophia, when it seems that isn’t part of the agreement of renting the house from her mother. Nooo! But, Farrah goes along with it anyway. But come on, look at that photo above. How could you not get Sophia a puppy?! Or anything Sophia wants?! After Farrah gets the puppy, she seems to discover that puppies go to the bathroom, and puppies who are not trained go to the bathroom in the house. Also, since she is hiding the puppy from her mother, she can’t bring the puppy outside to train it to go to the bathroom. So, Farrah does what any dog owner would do. She tries to get it to use the toilet…

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