Jersey Shore Episode 5: In Bullet Points!!
Jersey Shore; S5E5
Well, Vinny is back! And while this episode was certainly good, there wasn’t a crazy amount of plot to it aside from Mike’s internal dramas that he as always makes external. And that’s why for this week, I’m going to keep this short but sweet and bullet point the high-points!
- Vinny Returns
- Snooki pees herself while dancing in the club. Wakes up the next morning in not only a disgusting, unchanged pair of underwear, but with a U.T.I.
- The guys are becoming suspect of Mike’s over-nice behavior.
- Mike becomes obsessed with reminding everyone that he is being super nice.
- Deena gets electrocuted.
- Mike is called a terrorist by Ronnie when offering to share his axe body spray.
- Roger does not return J-Woww’s calls.
- The crew goes to “Jenks”. Mike strays from the crew.
- Mike is upset that Ronnie called him a terrorist. Snooki and Deena advise Mike to approach the guys if he thinks something is wrong.
- Mike approaches the guys, with the tip of his weiner exposed from his unbuttoned pants (yes), and they say they have no problems with him.
- The gang plays a round of “warm beer”, leading to Snooki having a face full of soot. (Easily the episode highlight. Must watch!)
- Mike becomes convinced that Snooki mislead him to think the guys had a problem with him, even though Mike made up that idea on his own. To retaliate, the new and improved “Nice Mike” decides to call “The Unit”, with a plan to reveal the truth of his hook-up with Snooki to Jionni.
Did that all sound as ridiculous as it did when I wrote it? Silly or not (with electrocutions and all) this was a good and fun episode! Next week it seems we’ll get more as to what is happening between Jenni and Roger, and whether not things will immediately escalate regarding the Situation/Snooki/Unit/Jionni fiasco!
Happy Birthday, MIKE!: Jersey Shore, Season 5 Episode 3
Jersey Shore; S5E3
Well, it’s our first episode without Vinny. This was probably the most evident when Deena discovers the news of his leaving at the club and proceeds to cry hysterically, insisting that Vinny was apart of her soul…As Jwoww puts it, “Deena’s very dramatic about everything. Hearing Vinny stubbed his toe she might have cried.”
When the initial shock of Vinny’s departure is over the gang returns to their usual routines, starting with a Meatball Day for Deena and Snooki. And the concept of a Meatball Day doesn’t really require a recap, does it? We know what it entails, which is of course them dancing on bars with their kookah’s hanging out, furry boots and at least one of them getting too drunk to walk. But let me at least say this: should I in the future ever drink so much I cannot walk, may I be as lucky as Snooki to have two gay men holding me up and walking me to safety.
Though for anyone who did miss Meatball Day, there was indeed a hilarious dance sequence that I would recommend you try to catch. Oh, and by the end of Meatball Day this is what Deena’s hair looked like:
And thank goodness for Jenni, the only one able to suggest they deep condition her hair (and does it for her) and saves the day! Meanwhile, it is Mike and Pauly’s birthday week! Mike will be turning 30, while Pauly is 31. While at the bar, Mike sees a girl they refer to as the “Bosnian Chick”, who he met at The Shore Store. But when his consistent hook-up and “main squeeze” Paula shows up, Mike hands the Bosnian Chick over to Pauly as a birthday gift. Except when Bosnian Chick comes to the house it is revealed that she does not want to sleep with Pauly. Pauly tells her, “You can come to bed or I can call you a cab. It’s up to you.” Bosnian Chick looks to Sammi for support, but we know Sammi. She’s not coming to to this girls aid anytime soon.
As far as Pauly is concerned, and I quote, it should be against the law to come to his house a 4 in the morning and not give him birthday sex. Later, when Mike’s girl Paula is in the shower, the Bosnian comes back! She tells Pauly that she wants to hangout with Mike if Pauly doesn’t want to hangout. Although Mike had Paula over, he was polite to the Bosnian, and she did get the picture when she realized Paula was still there.
Gym, Tanning & Mani-Pedis: Jersey Shore, S5E2
Jersey Shore; S5E2
It’s the second episode into the iconic Jersey Shore’s 5th season, and the question on everyone’s mind is Does Vinny Leave?! Well, let’s get to recapping and see!
The episode kicks off with Ron and Pauly speaking with Vinny about his anxiety and desire to leave. They seem to think that clubbing and chicks will simply be the answer, but I think most normal-paced people know that fist-pumping can’t cure everything. Meanwhile, returning from a night at the club Jionni borrows some of Mike’s clothes. Which is awkward only because Snooki cheated on Jionni with Mike, but is claiming to Jionni that she didn’t. And now he’s on TV borrowing this guys clothes. And then he makes Jionni a burger. Which isn’t plot-wise relevant, but just shows why you can’t lie to your boyfriend about things if you are on reality TV.
But back to Vinny. After a shift at the Shore Store, Vinny explains to his boss Danny that he as clinical anxiety, and it has put him in a depressed state since Italy. He explains that he has been diagnosed with this since he was a teenager, and while most of the time he can handle the anxiety or panic attacks, right now it is more severe and more difficult to manage. To try and get Vinny in a better state, the guys do some GTMP…Gym, Tanning, Mani-Pedis.
Yea. It was awkward. At least in Mike’s defense he wasn’t too fond of the experience. I think in the future he’ll be sticking with GTL…
Fresh with their mani-pedis, everyone is prepared to return to Karma tonight! It was great to see how excited they all were to go back to their favorite Jersey Shore spot. Deena does her Jersey Turnpike, Snooki shows her kooka, it seems like everything is back to normal. That is, except Vinny. The fast-paced, crowded and loud environment of the club isn’t calming him down like his roommates hoped it might.
But before Vinny makes a decision on what he is going to do, Pauly noticed his diamond necklace is missing after a hook-up in the smush room with a girl from the club! Snooki matter-of-factly says, “The girl stole it.” In denial to admit that it’s gone, Pauly searches all over the house for the necklace. A few hours later, the girl comes back, wearing the necklace! And she is damn lucky Pauly didn’t ask for an explanation, because it was clear that she took it, and didn’t just accidentally end up with it around her neck! Damn, time to get a safe at the shore house!
Meanwhile, as time goes on Vinny’s mental state is not improving. The gang is preparing to go out to the club and don’t want to leave Vinny alone. At the same time, they don’t want to bombard him by all staying, since they know Vinny wouldn’t be receptive to that. They decide that it would be best to leave Pauly alone with Vinny, as he is closest to him. However, Pauly isn’t able to talk Vinny out of his decision. It is clear that it is best for him that he leave right now. So instead of convincing Vinny to stay, Pauly instead helps Vinny pack. Although Vinny was leaving, it was nice to get a more intimate glimpse inside their friendship. Pauly seems really devastated about Vinny leaving, but knows it’s best for him. It doesn’t seem that Vinny is around long enough to say goodbye to the others, and we will have to wait until next episode for their reaction!
Lush of the Week: Snooki. Entirely because of her drunk chicken-cutlet speech to Jionni.
Mike Analogy of the Week: Comparing his not finding a girl at the club until the last minute to Joe Namath at the end of the football game making a touch-down with only 20 seconds left.
Episode MVP: Vinny, for knowing when enough is enough and doing what’s best for him mentally, despite what his roommates were saying.
Going Back To The Jersey Shore, BITCHHHH: Jersey Shore; S5E1
Jersey Shore; S5E1
They’re backkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!! I don’t know about you guys, but for me, each season I go, “Ugh, really? It’s back already? I don’t know if I can handle this again.” Then I watch, and the first minute in I become consumed and hypnotized. Why this show has magical powers I will never know, so instead I am just going to enjoy it!
Season 5 kicks off with the crew leaving Italy for Jersey, and they could not be more excited. It was actually great to see their excitement upon returning to the Shore house. As Pauly put it, “Me and Vinny are so excited that Vinny immediately jumps on my bed and dry-humps me on my bed, just to break it in like old times.” And there you go. The only downside? (Aside from the dry-humping?) Well, for Sam and Ron it was that they would be sharing a room with Mike again. But you know…I can’t imagine Mike is too excited to be sharing a room with Sam and Ron either, so I think it’s kind of fair!
Before we go any further though I feel I must bring Snooki’s boots to everyone’s attention:
Now let’s continue. Their boss at the Shore Store, Danny, invites the gang to meet them the following night at Captain Hook’s for some ‘welcome-back’ drinks. After some much needed American errands (GTL) they head over and instead of finding just their co-workers and Danny, they find all of their friends and family surprising them!!!! It is only a matter of time before the joy turns into drama though. Why? Because “The Unit” and Ryder are there too…and they are the ones who were in the room when Snooki cheated on Jionni with Mike. And knowing that, Mike is quick to stir things up.
It all starts when Mike mentions that he would like “The Unit” (I feel silly each time I write that) to come back to the house. This obviously makes Snooki upset, as Jionni will be coming back with her. Instead of just not paying the situation (and The Situation) any mind, she instead tells “The Unit” that he is annoying, a curly-haired asshole in need of gel, a loser, an idiot and a bitch. At this point it is clear that she has something to hide, as it seems evident that Mike was telling the truth. Instead of avoiding any potential drama, she seems to feed into it. But I guess that is nothing new. Meanwhile Mike is basically loving how mad Snooki is getting at “The Unit”, as he swoops in and pretends to play the protector.
I know, gross.