Why Are You Cussing At Me You Piece of Shit: Teen Mom; S4E8

Teen Mom; Season 4, Episode 8

By: Nina

Hey! Let’s talk about some Teen Mom! 

While Amber and Catelynn have a return to old ways this episode (Amber is back to calling Gary a fat-ass and Catelynn is back to coping with her step-father being in jail), Maci and Farrah are experiencing something new (Maci is looking to buy a house and Farrah spends the entire episode in a good mood). So let’s get to recapping!

Farrah:

Farrah has decided that she would like for Sophia to meet Daniel, the guy she has been dating. But Sophia wants no part in this. Sophia wants cookies.

But we all know that Farrah is a tough battle, and Sophia ends up cookie-less and meeting the guy, despite her best efforts at an epic tantrum. (Karma does exist, Farrah.) However, the meeting with Daniel appears to go well…so well that he even gets to Skype with Debra, Farrah’s mom. I know, this is serious business. At least Debra did not grill him on his religion or invite him to church with her (as she had with Cole). Which leads me to feel that Farrah should start having ALL of her future dates meet Debra through Skype, and only through Skype.

In the end, things go so well with Daniel and the Skype date with Debra that Farrah arranges for Debra to come visit and watch Sophia when she travels to Austin, TX with Daniel. Get it, girl! 

Side note: Why is Farrah always driving on her dates? Is it cause she’s got the Teen Mom cams already set-up in her Mini-coop, or do none of her dates drive, or what? Cause I like for the guy to drive on my dates! :P 

Maci:

Upon the news that the home Maci rents has been sold, she and Kyle decide to look into buying a home. Or rather, Kyle looks into purchasing a home that Maci and Bentley will live in too. Not too much really happens. They look at a few homes, Maci shares her confidence in her relationship with Kyle and they put an offer down on a home. Pretty boring. I am begging for my Ryan dramaz! Or maybe just a few extra shots of Ryan thrown into the Maci scenes just to keep me though! Though I must add in that as a Long Islander it is scary hearing the amount Maci would like to spend monthly on her home, since it is equivalent to what we would spend on a studio basement apartment here. Perhaps it’s time I start planning my move to Chattanooga…

Oh, and this also marks the episode where Bentley finally says, "HELL NO!" And that’s that!

Amber:

Amber has been trying to focus on getting her high school diploma, but it seems that distractions get in the way. And by distractions, I mean Gary (and probably her nail-art). When Amber’s cousin Krystal calls Gary to arrange for Amber to see Leah, Amber replies to Gary agreeing to drop Leah off the following day with, “Yea, I can hear your fat ass. I can hear you, nasty ass!” Before the drop off can even occur the next day they are arguing over the phone (anyone miss that no cnotact order yet?) Amber of course ends the conversation with the classic question, "Why are you cussing at me you piece of shit?" While we don’t get the answer to why the girl who is cussing is being cussed at, we at least get to see that Leah is learning her colors. And that she likes chicken nuggets. Way to go, Leah!

Catelynn:

Catelynn gets a not-so-pleasant text from Tyler while she is at work, simply stating: “My dad went back to prison. He beat up your mom. I’ll talk to u when u get home later.” We know that Catelynn and Tyler are pretty together people, so the idea that this is something that they can text so casually about their parents is pretty unfortunate. While it’s apparent that Butch won’t be getting over his problems any time soon it is at least nice to see that April appears to be handling the situation with relative maturity and growth. April comes to the realization that loving Butch, someone who treats her that way, actually makes her feel very badly for herself. She also confesses that his influence is what really persuaded her lack of support when Catelynn placed Carly for adoption. She said that rather than listening to her daughter, she allowed herself to side with Butch.The bruises on April, her testimonial to Catelynn and the damage done in the home shows that this was a serious case of domestic violence, so we’ll see what happens to Butch next week when he is arraigned.

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This Farrah Wine is Vinegary: Teen Mom; S4E2

Teen Mom; Season 4, Episode 2

By: Nina

Episode 2 did give us a few more things to be excited about than episode 1. Catelynn and Tyler get to visit Carly, Maci gets into a little tiff with Kyle and Farrah, Debra and Sophia go out for a “ladies night!” Sound exciting? Well, it’s not exactly a Boopidi-bop-bop-booger level of entertainment, but things are picking up!
Amber:

Episode 2 opens up on a serious note, as we hear the 911 emergency call that Gary made on behalf of Amber, who was struggling with thoughts of suicide. Cut to two weeks later, where Amber is now being treated at Seasons Recovery center. When we see her she is still struggling with her anger, not to mention the adjustments towards her meds. When with a grief counselor, Amber shares that the only time she feels she can get through her pain and anger is when she is on a really good pain medication. 

When one of Amber’s trainers at Seasons suggests she stay longer than the 30-days, Amber seems visibly agitated. However by the end of the episode, with a starbucks in hand (she seems to always have a starbucks cup at this place!, Amber is feeling better, and begins to plan with her caseworker a time for Gary and Leah to come visit.

Catelynn:

In this episode Catelynn and Tyler get their two-year visit with Baby Carly—in NYC! Excited? Don’t be, because since they picked SUCH good parents for Baby Carly, they have rightfully decided not to have Baby Carly be filmed! Wahhhhh! We do get to see some snapshots though. But still, I really wanted my Baby Carly fix. Here’s the one shot of Baby Carly’s face that we do get to see:

When the visit was through, Catelynn and Tyler both felt emotional, as they reflected about what life would have been had they kept Carly. “She just seems like fun,” Catelynn says. But Tyler assures her that Carly is where she is meant to be, and if he had to do it over he would make the same choice. 

Maci:

Meanwhile in Maciville, Maci and Ryan get into a disagreement, which causes an argument between Maci and Kyle. Basically, Maci calls Ryan telling him he has to pick Bentley up at 11am tomorrow instead of the regular time of 4pm-6pm. When Ryan tells Maci that he won’t be available that early, Maci says “Well, you don’t have a job, so you should be available.” I am always Team Ryan as is, but this time I do feel that it’s rude to say that just because he isn’t working that that means every minute of his day is free. (Turns out he has to register for classes that time.) 

Anyway, this affects Maci and Kyle when Kyle suggests the next day that Maci reminds Ryan he will be picking up Bentley at daycare (since the 11am plan didn’t work.) Long story short, Maci tells Kyle that he is getting on her nerves and that he is a baby, so Kyle calls her an idiot. She tells Kyle he can leave, and so he does! What’s a single mom to do? Well, Maci makes Bentley do her dirty work, having him leave Kyle a voice-mail asking him to come home! And of course Kyle does come back, but not with an apology from Maci. 

Farrah:

Farrah has her moving plan all set. Want to hear it? As Farrah says to her father Michael, “So the plan is, I’m going to rent a Uhaul, and then you help me pack it tonight and tomorrow. So I’m going to stay here with Sophia while you drive…for like 5 days, and then I’m going to meet you in Florida to help you unpack.” And do you want to know what Michael says? “That sounds good.” THAT SOUNDS GOOD?! TO WHO?! To who other than Farrah would that plan sound good to!?

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Teen Bomb; or Why Maci and Catelynn are Boring: Teen Mom; S4E1

Teen Mom; Season 4, Episode 1. 

By: Nina

First, I feel it’s appropriate that I explain my delay in recapping this season. While I could go off on “personal reasons” or this or that, let’s just call it like it is: this season kind of sucks. I know, I know, it pains me to even think that, let alone say it. Teen Mom is my favorite! But perhaps it is becoming hard to live up to the magic of last season. Last season brought us classic moments like Gary’s “BOOPIDI-BOP-BOP-BOOGER”, Farrah yelling at her Mom about Barney-the-Dinosaur and Ryan asking Maci is Kyle was retarded! So far all that Season 4 has is Farrah’s sister calling her Mom a psycho satanic bitch. But let’s recap the first episode anyway, and I am sure we will find some things to laugh at and enjoy!

Maci:

Maci’s segment of the season opener kicks off with Bentley getting swimming lessons. Bored yet? Give it a chance. Bentley’s resistance towards learning how to swim with an instructor becomes the doorway to discussing Bentley going to daycare…again. This daycare business rapidly becomes the issue of the century. So what do you do with the issue of the century? You ask the 2 year old for his opinion! And when he tells you he wants to go, you panic. By the time our 60 minutes are up however, Bentley has an easy, breezy drop-off to day care, despite his mother’s worries. And he goes down the slide at the pool. Now if we can just get rid of that “paci!”

Catelynn:

Here’s what you really need to know: Butch and April, (Catelynn’s step-father and mother) still have a no-contact order. Thus, I officially do not care at all what happens in Catelynn’s segments! What am I supposed to do without my April and Butch scenes, for TWO seasons now?! And for how long can a married couple have a no-contact order?! WTF happened?! 

Anyway, Catelynn and Tyler learn that they will be having a 2-year visit with Carly, Brandon and Theresa in New York City! Until the visit however, which falls right in between Carly’s birthday and Catelynn and Tyler’s graduation, they will be left to celebrate Carly turning two on their own. With a cake and each other, Catelynn and Tyler celebrate the event, making wishes for Carly. Sweet, but it is literally all that happens in this episode. Unless you want to count the shot of Tyler’s new pimpin’ Cadillac! Score for Tyler!

Farrah:

Farrah is anticipating her move to Florida! In preparation for the move, Farrah’s mother Debra has prepared Farrah’s room for Sophia. Why? Because she thinks Sophia is going to be staying and living with her! After a therapy session on that, Farrah changes her mind and decides to take Sophia with her. (Not before insuring Sophia will need some therapy of her own, letting her know where in her room her father and she conceived her.) This just leaves one problem…telling Debra. By now we all know Debra though, and we know that she is going to cry over baby-goo leaving her. After some of Debra’s manipulative tactics (“How is she going to feel when everyone she loves is gone?” and “She doesn’t need to be isolated and separated”) Farrah holds her ground and the decision is official—Sophia will be a Florida baby!

Amber:

It’s difficult to watch Amber this season, knowing how things have turned out. However, at the start of the season Amber has just received the news that she will be sentenced to 2-year-probation and rehab for a minimum of 30-days due to substance abuse and mental health. Which will bring Amber to Seasons in Malibu! But before she can go to Seasons she heads to Gary’s for a large glass of wine (or so), which ends as ugly as you’d guess it would. The first hint would probably be Amber coming in with the greeting “Where’s my glass of wine? Hehehehehehe.” 

Now, I’m not here to judge, but that’s quite the generous pour, Amber. Okay fine, I’ll pour myself a glass like that while I am home alone watching Teen Mom every Tuesday night (how else would I escape this harsh reality of my life) but would I pour a glass like that while the Teen Mom camera crew is with me before I go to rehab? Probably not. When Gary says that he has more important things on his mind than drinking, Amber gets defensive. She says she’s under a lot of stress, and just wanted a glass (or so) of wine to calm her down. Gary says that he is just glad that she is getting help with her medications and her anger, to which Amber replies, "STOP GOD DAMN IT MOTHA FUCKA!" and storms off.

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This #TeenMomAthon reminds me how even Bentley’s crying face is the cutest ever.

This #TeenMomAthon reminds me how even Bentley’s crying face is the cutest ever.

Oh Ryan, how I miss you yawning while on the phone with Maci.

Oh Ryan, how I miss you yawning while on the phone with Maci.

I can’t believe Bentley has a new Ky now </3

I can’t believe Bentley has a new Ky now </3